Better days to come

Have you ever just had one of THOSE weeks.. where everything seems to go wrong and you can't catch a break? Well that is us right now but it's been like a month.. it started with a lady hitting my van, then our less then a year old dishwasher broke and we've had 3 appointments for them to fix it.. (it's still broke and I HATE doing dishes by hand), and then we had a water leak from our fridge to our basement so our kitchen flooring is all ripped up from the restoring company and when they pulled 3 layers of tiling off they possibly found asbestos which we will get the results of that tomorrow. Then, the basement grew mold so they came back and cleaned that up and ripped some carpet up. Our fridge is all the way across the kirchen in a new place that makes life so out of place (I can't wait to have the fridge back where it belongs). After a crazy long day I hopped into the shower to only have freezing cold water and to find out our water heater went out.. is this even real life 😂. I would love to tell you that's it but then this morning I got a tap on my shoulder from our 7 year old who said he was having breathing troubles and his lungs felt funny.. so we got up and headed to the hospital. They observed him and said everything was fine THANK YOU JESUS! On our way home from the hospital my husband calls from his work and says it's been a crazy day there and he got a phone call from his full time job and there is sewage spewing all over the place and he need to get there. So off he went and we headed home to relax... but when I opened the door I found more water..... apparently the huge, loud, annoying dehumidifier the company has placed in our house has sprung a leak in the hose and there's water all over again. Oh my gosh you guys at this point I feel like I am ready to have a breakdown and can't take another thing to go wrong. 

I had to take a step back after our 7 year old tells me he's been feeling ignored and wants me to snuggle with him.. it hit me hard I felt so bad that through all of this crazyness that our "normal" has been off. So we put a movie in and crawled into my bed and Jaxton, Brody, and I snuggled. I actually fell asleep and I can't remember he last time I've taken a nap but it was glorious.. even if the kids were being wild and crazy and pulling my hair and opening my eyeballs the nap was exactly what I needed. That 30 minutes felt so rejuvenating and I was able to get up and reset my day. 

As I was driving to pick up our oldest from work I was thinking about how even though we are going through all this our God is so Much bigger then anything we face. I felt so alone today and defeated and I was reminded that my God will never leave or forsake me. I was thinking about all the work that needs to be done on the house now and how when this is all over it will turn out great. I can't choose for these things NOT to happen to us but I can choose how we respond to this. Today I choose to be grateful for a roof over our heads even if  the inside is a hot mess and has orange floors, I am thankful that our Brody is okay and it was nothing serious. We may not be able to control our circumstances but we do get to control our behaviors and when you feel alone and defeated don't lose hope in the lord his plans are bigger then we can see.  I needed a reality check today. I am hopeful for the blessings to come from the chaos. 

I call on the Lord in my distress, and he answers me

Psalm 120:1

Lay it down and don't pick it back up

How many of you are like me and lay something at the feet of Jesus and then just turn around and pick it back up? This is something I keep doing. I am in a season where I am struggling. I know it's a season I won't be here forever but right now I am. It's been about 7 months of a spiritual struggle for me. I've just been trying to find my purpose and figure out how the Lord wants to use me and I just feel a little lost and then not to mention that life is happening so it's hard to find the balance. Anyways, I stumbled across this Pinterest quote that I had saved a long time ago that said "forgive me for picking back up what I've already laid at your feet." Yup, this is me. I lay It down and then pick it back up sometimes all in the same day. 

 I had to really think about this. How does this hurt me to continue this or better yet how does this hurt my relationship with God?  Then I realized what if I did this to my husband or my best friend? What if I said, "hey I trust you with this problem can you help me?" Only to turn around and say nevernind I don't trust you I take that back I don't want your help or advice. Oh man, that thought hit me hard. That is EXACTLY What we do when we decide to lay something at the feet of Jesus and then pick it back up. 

Here's where I struggle. I want the solution NOW. I want the problems to be fixed and the situations to not be situations and everything to work out, but we live in a broken world. Things aren't going to be fixed immediately or sometimes ever and that thought is hard for me to grasp. I don't want my feathers to be ruffled, but what if things always worked out perfect? Would we have faith then? Would we have to be pushed out of our everyday normal and get uncomfortable? I can't answer that forsure but here's what I do know. When have I grown the most as a person? When things were easy? No, my biggest areas of growth in life have been when I was uncomfortable, when I've had to face things I never thought I would, when I've had to sit and be patient and wait on HIS timing. I've had to dig deep, pray, and stand firm on HIS word. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

See I know this. I know God doesn't want any harm for me he only wants the best for my life. Somehow though I still manage at times to think I know what's best for me and I pick something back  up and try to handle it the way I think is best only to be in the same position I started in and have to lay it back down again. Thankfully I serve a God who is forgiving and loves me unconditionally. 

I just wanted to encourage anyone who might be in this right now. Do you trust God? If so then lay down your burdens and truly trust HIM...don't pick them back up! We aren't meant to carry these things. God is so much bigger then anything we face. So, if this is you then you can pray this with me today. 

"Forgive me father for picking back up what I've already laid at your feet" 

Guilty Mama

can we start off by talking about this thing people call sleep? I can't tell you the last time I actually had a good nights sleep. Our 3 year old crawls into our bed EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. Around 2am the door flys open and I can hear his little feet hitting the wood floor. He jumps into bed, tells his daddy to "scooch over" , and then passes out. Have you ever slept with a toddler? I have dreams I am being mauled by a lion or fighting off wild animals in the jungle because he is everywhere. He's upside down, straight across our pillows, on top of my head, laying on his dad's back, or patting my back saying "sleep tight mama". . We have tried a million times to put him back in his bed but he finds his way back into our room within 30 minutes so we just let him stay because let's be honest it's easier to wake up with a few bruises from his flailing limbs then it is to actually get out of the covers a hundred times and walk to his room. I mean it's 3 am. I can't even think straight let alone carry a child back to his room for the 20th time.

So, after our catastrophe of a night our alarm clock goes off at 5:30 AM and we begin our day. Ted goes to work and some days he works 15 hour days {bless his heart he works SO hard} which leaves no break for me through the day. I start and end my day with our 3 kids and I can be totally exhausted by 9pm. We have 3 boys so the second they are awake my two youngest are wresting on the couch and our oldest is already cranky about the way I said "good morning" to him. By the time they are done eating breakfast I have a new grocery list started since our fridge is cleaned out because boys can eat! I send two off to school and then my toddler stays home with me and I do daycare. I seriously have the best job on the plant And I wouldn't change it for anything but man by bedtime I am pooped and for some reason bed time is always chaotic around here. I have naked butts running around waiting for their pajamas, a teenager who all of the sudden wants to ask a ton of questions so he can stay up later, and 3 kids who are starving to death and won't make it through the night if they all don't have one pickle or a string cheese.. heaven forbid if I let them wither away during their sleep. So this pretty much sums up our days just add a few baseball, soccer, and hockey practices in there and running around like a chicken with its head cut off and that's me summed up into one whole day. Whoa that was exhausting just to type.

I'm a mom who is constantly taking care of kids and everyone else's needs, I am sometimes the only one who hasn't had a chance to use the bathroom or brush my hair and most days I'm okay with that. I've always wanted to be a mom and take care of my kids and be home with them. I love everything about it from the boogery noses to the sleepless nights and all their cute little stories, but one thing I lack is taking time for ME. I feel totally completely guilty about it. If I go see a movie with my friend the whole time I'm thinking about my kids and what needs to be done at home and I feel bad that I'm there when maybe they need me at home. I recently had a really good friend who's also like a mentor to me ask me why I feel this way. I really didn't have an answer for her I really don't know why I feel guilty. My husband is so encouraging and always telling me to take a break and get away. In fact sometimes he just hands me the keys and says just go and do something for you, but I can't go do it without feeling some sort of guilt. Half the time I'm super thankful if I just get to take the long way home from dropping a kiddo off somewhere and I can hear all my own thoughts while the kids watch the same curious George movie that's been in the DVD player in the car. Speaking of which I need to change that soon. I can repeat the whole movie.

This has been really bothering me lately and I've had to do a lot of thinking. Why do we as moms feel so guilty about doing something for us? Is it because we constantly compare ourselves to other moms? Is it because we just feel the need to be in control over everything? I just don't get it.. I dont understand how some of us get to this point where we put everyone else's needs before our own. Also, I'm totally not over here trying to act like I'm supermom or anything I just know I have neglected myself in order to make sure everyone else's needs are met. I hate this feeling. I can't stand that somedays I just need a moment to myself and my husband is basically handing it to me on a silver platter and I won't take it. I say "thanks babe but I just want to hang out with you guys I'm totally fine" um, hello... have you seen me lately??? I don't get a good nights sleep, I wear my hair in a pony tail most days because I want the extra 10 minutes to lay in my bed before starting my day, I live in yoga pants,  the other day I took a 7 minute nap in my driveway before entering the house while our teenager babysat, and I put makeup on just to feel a little better about myself and Devin asked if I had plans to go somewhere.. yes, big plans actually I am going to clean the playroom thanks for asking.

So, my new plan. Take the time for myself. Stop taking on more then I can handle. No I can't volunteer at EVERY Event, join the PTA, host the neighborhood block party, and the latest thing I signed up to do is be the team parent for Devin's baseball team. Ted handled the news so well. Thanks babe sorry I added another thing to my plate.  What's that bible verse? My yoke is easy and my burden is light? God's not asking me to take all this on these are expectations that I've put on myself.

Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I totally had to look up the definition of weary.. yes, I am that tired I was like what the heck does weary mean.. oh.. tired, worn out, exhausted... Yes, I am raising my hand I am weary. I am actually double weary if that's even a thing. 

Okay, so I don't want to sit here and complain. I LOVE my life. I have to laugh at our crazyness sometimes, but in all reality I would be lost without it. We are just in a season. We're raising little men and let me tell you it's work but it's the best kind of work. Boys are gross and our dinner topics might not always be table appropriate but I love it. I just need to not feel guilty about taking time for myself. I need to pour into my own cup, my husband needs to pour into his cup, and we need to pour into our cup as a couple. We're working on it. I am working on it. No more guilt feelings. 

I just wanted to write this for all the sleep deprived mommas who are raising kiddos. Whatever that looks like if your a mom who is home with your kids or your a mom who works outside of the home. I feel you momma! You got this. We got this. Take some time for yourself. Remember God isn't asking us to take on the world and he says come to him when your feeling weary and burdened. We can find rest in him alone.

I will not be shaken Psalm 16:8

Oh my goodness I had no idea my post would be viewed by over 2,000 people. Two days before I wrote that post I was praying about this blog and I was saying "God, if you have things you want me to write about ill write them. I want to glorify you in all that I do" and then there I was two days later not knowing if  I should stay silent or speak up.

Since Sunday evening my Facebook, phone, and messages have been blowing up with people reaching out to me with similar situations or saying that they needed to read that. I am so incredibly humbled by all this. God took something that destroyed me and turned it into a blessing. Sunday night as I was writing that my heart ached so badly. I kept reminding myself not to write out of anger but simply the truth and what was on my heart. I am thankful Devin gave me permission to blog about it and I'm thankful my husband encouraged me to do so. What a great reminder of  how good of a support system I have right in my own home.

This situation changed me and while I don't believe God wanted me to hurt I believe he wanted me to grow from it . Honestly, In the past I have felt bad for myself or let things bring me down and I just wont allow that to be the case anymore. I want to learn to take any situation and bring good from it. I want my boys to see that people WILL fail us over and over again but God will not. When people use words or actions to put others down it says more about them then it does the person they are putting down. I am not defined by what people say or think about me my identity is in Christ. My worth is found in God, not the opinions of others.

I am feeling refreshed and renewed and know this was a huge heart check for myself. This has lit a new fire in me I want to be the best person I can be.My prayer is that if  I take anything away from this that I will choose what words I will use when speaking about others. I never want someone to feel hurt from words that are spoken from my mouth. Be blessed and  know your support and encouragement means so much.

I've been body shamed

 bod·y sham·ing

noun

noun: body shaming

1. 1. 

   the action or practice of humiliating someone by making mocking or critical comments about their body shape or size.

   
   

   
   

   adjective

adjective: body-shaming

1. 1. 

   expressing mockery or criticism about a person's body shape or size.

This is going to be really hard to share but I feel it needs to be out there. I cannot believe how bad body shaming has gotten. We shame ourselves and others. I don't think people understand how damagaing this can be. When you shame yourself you are believing the lies you are telling yourself but when someone shames you it feels as though they are confirming the lies you have told yourselves. 

Ladies, you are beautiful.. Repeat that over and over... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!  We are all different shapes and sizes that's what makes us unique. We need to learn to love ourselves where we are at. Why do we feel the need to bring ourselves and each other down? Let me tell you a story that is going to be really hard to share.

I have 3 boys. My oldest is my Step-Son I've lived with him since he was 4 years old so you can imagine I love this boy just as my own. We have developed a great relationship over the past 10 years and I don't treat him any different then my biological children. Anyways, onto my story.  He was with a group of ADULTS... he was the only child in this group and the adults were making fun of me.. they held up a large pair of underwear and said in front of my son. "These would be perfect for Andrea" and then laughed their heads off at me and told him not to tell me.  Pretty funny huh? Let's laugh at a Mother of 3 who is on the job 24/7, let's laugh at a mother who is tying to raise her boys to respect women, let's laugh at this mother who is up all night long with sick kids, let's laugh at this mom who is constantly putting everyone's needs before her own, let's laugh at this mom who makes sure day in and day out that this boy has the best life, let's laugh at this mom who has stepped up to the plate and raised this boy the best way she can, let's laugh at this mom who hardly gets time away from The kids, let's laugh at this mom who goes to bed at night praying tomorrow she is 1% better then the day before , let's laugh at this mom who takes her free time to gain wisdom from moms who have gone before her,  let's laugh at this mom who has PCOS and has a really hard time losing weight no matter how hard she tries. Come on are you laughing yet? 

Why do we do this? Why do we subject children to this? What are they going to think of themselves if we are saying these things about other people or ourselves? I guarantee I can click post and some of you will encourage me, some of you will say "get over it" and some of you will tell me to just lose the weight and people wouldn't have anything to say at all. I'm not trying to glorify obesity or justify it I am just simply saying why do we have to bring eachother down? Why? What good does that do? Why can't we empower one another? Why can't we choose to just love? Just love eachother where they are at. 

I have to be honest here. I have gone through a lot of crap in my lifetime. I've been hurt, back stabbed, abused, and cheated on (no not from my husband so don't go there) but this hurt. I would rather someone punch me in the face and take the physical pain then hear that from the mouth of child.. a child whom I happen to love and have given him everything in my power to have a good and successful life. I don't know what hurt worse.. hearing that personally or knowing he had to hear it? I want him to respect women and others and know that we might not all look the same but we dang well deserve the same respect. How do comments like that teach young men to respect women? 

I can't take it back.. what's  done is done.. I can't go back and change what he has heard about me.. He didn't even want to tell me but I'm glad he did. He doesn't need to carry that. He told me they said it because they are jealous he said it hurt him and he's sorry if it hurt me. I told him it hurt but that's okay. It gave me an opportunity to talk about self respect as well as body shaming. It's a prime example of how a tongue has no bones but is strong enough to break a heart. 

I hope next time you think about talking bad about yourself or others you think twice. I'm just a mom who's tired, has had a long weekend, and a long week ahead of me. I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, love these children likes there's no tomorrow, and persevere through the next thing thrown my way. Be blessed my friends.

New bike

You know when you get to an age where the strangest things make you excited? Like the time we got our dishwasher I legitimately wanted to cry once it was installed because I had been hand washing the dishes for a couple months while we saved up for a new one and not having to do that made me feel like I had less work. Oh the little things in life. 

Anyways, last week Ted surprised me with a new bike and I'm feeling myself all excited again about something as silly as a bike and it reminds me that I'm getting older and totally appreciate different things in this stage of life. I love biking. It's one of those things where I can even go for a 20 minute bike ride and come home feeling like a new women and ready to take on any challenge. It's just amazing how refreshing it is {again one of those super silly things I appreciate now} I am so thankful I have a husband who sees a need or maybe a want in my life and makes it happen. He understands that mama needs a break every now and then or daily. So now I have this super awesome and comfortable bike to ride and go out and clear my mind and take some me time. Remember last week I said I was going to start doing things that I love? Well now I have  my own bike and don't have to steal Ted's anymore! Thanks babe. 

So, the whole point of me writing this is I'm wondering what trails do you like biking on? I would LOVE to find one in east Bloomington where I could ride from my house to the trail but I'm open to all trails around Minnesota. We love to bike as a family as well and wouldn't mind taking some weekend trips. 

Well Hello..

Whoa, it's been 4 years since I last submitted a post. Let's be honest I have totally gotten lost in the daily hustle and bustle of life. I've been doing a lot of self reflecting and thinking. It's time I take back a few things I love to do. It's so easy to get caught up in being a Mom and Wife that I've lost myself a little.. or maybe even a lot. I need to start doing things I LOVE. I love to blog. It's really soothing to me and I love looking back on old posts and seeing where I was at that time in my life. I'm not an expert, I might not have the most entertaining things to write about, and my puntucation sucks but I like it.

Most of you know I'm an open book I don't mind sharing the good, bad, and ugly.  Years ago I thought I had to be "perfect" in order to be a Christian but that thought failed me pretty quickly. I'm not perfect.. in fact I'm far from it. I fail daily but I refuse to give up. I'm just a Jesus follower, Wife, And Mom who's trying to be the best person I can be.

So, my hopes are to keep up on this blog. I don't know how often that will be and you never know what your going to get.